music

The Dwarvenaut - Mining Your Passion For Money

This week, I had the unexpected pleasure of watching The Dwarvenaut, a fantastic documentary on Netflix charting the life and career of Stefan Pokorny, founder of Dwarven Forge. The product of a dalliance between a GI and a Korean, later adopted by an Italian mother and a Czech father living in New York, Stefan is arguably the world's best creator of scenery and terrain for tabletop miniatures. After struggling to find purpose in school and eventually dropping out, he went on to study art at the High School of Art & Design, where he discovered a talent for painting. Inspired by a lifelong obsession with Dungeons and Dragons, combined with memories of making models with his architect father, he took a chance on himself, and left a job creating miniatures to start his own business building the world around them. 

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You're probably wondering what this has to do with music, or Sound & ymmiJ. As I was watching Stefan's journey, I couldn't help but draw parallels to my own. To start with, I'm a product of a similarly diverse background - a Turkish father, an English mother, lived in the US, speak French & Italian. I may not have struggled in school, but I always knew music was my future, and I often got in trouble during lessons for drifting off or writing lyrics. What's more, I'm also an unabashed nerd and roleplayer, and have been for many years. My Warhammer 40K armies may be long gone, but my con days are not yet over (my Jafar made it into the official photo album for Dragon Con 2011).

Like me, Stefan is an artist and a perfectionist, more at home with the act of creation and world-building than the burdens of business or leadership that accrue when you turn doing what you love into how you make a living.

"What is money? Money's just paper. What matters in life is that you do something you enjoy. That's what matters, because that is your life. It's not what's gonna happen 20 years, 30 years down the road, what matters is you are what you are, you are what you do. That becomes you. So hopefully you do something you enjoy. So I'm doing something I enjoy, for as long as I can do it."

He relies on a steady blend of good humour, optimism, and generosity of spirit to keep his team flying in the same direction, something I've been accused of several times in the past.

"If I worried too much about the future, I never would have started this company. A lot of times, you think about "Oh my god, what if I can't pay this bill?" or "Oh my god, what if this doesn't succeed?"... You would be too paralysed to do anything. So instead, I just approach it optimistically, and say "Let's just try as hard as we can, and somehow we'll just get it done.""

Not only is there common ground between his art and our album Helen & I (Stefan mentions Greek mythology several times in the course of the film, including Prometheus by name), but in our methods too. The Dwarvenaut loosely follows the journey of Stefan's biggest ever Kickstarter appeal, with frequent forays into the history and character of the man behind the model. I won't spoil the ending for you, but the value of Kickstarter as a tool for reaching dedicated and engaged supporters, is evidence of the way the landscape of fandom is changing. Just as modern musicians don't need labels or publishers or any of the gatekeepers of the music industry 20 or even 10 years ago, artisans and craftsmen like Stefan can now reach anyone who cares about their product anywhere in the world with an internet connection, as I experienced first hand with my own Kickstarter project (more on that later).

I also saw a lot of crossover in our relationships to art and the world that surrounds it. Stefan draws from a wide pool of influences, thanks partly to his varied background, and partly to his wife-ranging interests. He took time to find his feet, initially struggling with the traditional route of making fine art and trying to get into galleries, before discovering his niche. Now having found his feet, accepting and being accepted into a world that appreciates his ability, Stefan's search for balance includes an ongoing battle with the party culture, one many creatives know well, and which was a theme of Helen & I.

"Drinking, doing drugs... Party hard, you know? I've always been an artist, hanging out with other artists and wild people, you know? It goes with the territory."

From a technical perspective, the film is a triumph. The documentary style reminds me a lot of another favourite of mine, Chef's Table - unobtrusive and without a narrator, director Josh Bishop draws the story from the footage like Michelangelo drawing a sculpture from a slab of marble. Bishop also provides the soundtrack, an acoustic romp through fantasy and metal that provides almost constant reassurance and reaffirmation to Dwarven Forge's likely fanbase that this is the film, and the product, for them. It's not a landmark soundtrack, but it does its job admirably, and is the sort of thing Sound & ymmiJ will be looking to do in the near future.

As much as we have in common, there's a lot I still have to learn from Stefan. He comes across as a purer soul than I, despite having gone through greater hardships. He's absolutely dedicated to his art, and delivers when it matters, enough to grow a thriving business that supports other fanatics like him. Creating that sort of community, one that can sustain not just me but anyone crazy enough to sign up, is a blueprint for what I want Sound & ymmiJ to become. Stefan also embraces the madness in following your dreams.

"Nothing in the world that is ever great gets done rationally. You gotta be a little bit nuts and prepared to go full throttle, and try to make it the greatest you can, whether you fail or succeed. A meeker heart would be like "That's insanity", and that person will never do anything great. The fear of failure is hard."

I might not have had the rough start that Stefan had, but I've had a fair few setbacks in my 30 years. I don't know if I started fearing failure because I failed more, or because now I have more to lose - my wife, our flat, my lifestyle. But with the promise of becoming a father beginning to creep over the horizon, Stefan's drive to make his parents proud really struck a chord with me. I'm lucky enough to still have both my parents, and they've given so much of their time and money and love that I owe it to them to succeed while they're still around to appreciate it.

The idea of legacy is at the heart of a lot of human endeavour, and art is no exception. We all have limited time on this planet to make an impact. It's not just about wanting to repay the people who got me here, and it's not just about getting the bulk of my failures out of the way before my children are old enough to recognise them. It's about being the man my children will need me to be. I want to leave them as much of me - my experience, my values, my heart - as I can. And, Stefan and I agree, there are few better ways to do that than through art.

"If you can do great art, well it's a piece of immortality. You can go on, your emotions, what you captured, that thing will continue to inspire people over the course of hundreds and hundreds of years. It's like a little piece of you lives on to keep inspiring forever and ever and ever. If that's not worth living for, if that doesn't give your life some kind of meaning, I don't know what does."

One More Try - 5 George Michael Songs That Changed My Life

I've tried to write this blog post a few times. Each time, I get sucked down the rabbit hole of panicking about how, if I died at 53, I'd be easily over halfway through my life, and not have achieved one iota of what George Michael managed. When I hit 30 not too long ago, I made similar jokes - in hindsight, little more than callous quips designed to rile up my wife. She prefers not to think about the fact that she will likely outlive me, given our 7 year age gap and the natural longevity afforded to women. It's fascinating to think that I was singing Careless Whisper before she was even born. It was probably the first artwork I ever loved, and, along with Gerry Rafferty's Baker Street, the reason I took up the sax.

Careless Whisper  - Make It Big (1984)

Knowing we've never seen eye to eye on his music, I appreciated my wife's patience and understanding as I drowned my pillow on Christmas Eve. I'm not often given to hero worship, but amongst the small pool of people I could be said to idolise, George was a titan, equalled only by John Mayer in terms of influence on my songwriting, and as a reflection of my artistic self. His Greek Cypriot heritage struck a chord with my inner Turk, laying out a roadmap for how someone like me could become a star. His Faith look - leather jacket, jeans, shades - had such a strong impact that it's still the dominant theme of my wardrobe 30 years later. And his public sexuality was an early salve against homophobia - how could someone who was supposed to be evil make such beautiful music?

One More Try - Faith (1987)

As I got older, I began to appreciate different aspects of George's stardom. His refusal to be confined by genre and his battle against Sony were both evidence of a shared stubborn commitment to principle, an aversion to kowtowing to expectation or pressure. The way he used his voice - singing, humour, political activism - was a daily affirmation of one of my favourite quotes: "Art should disturb the comfortable, and comfort the disturbed" (Cesar Chavez). Whether he was sticking up for nurses and miners, highlighting US hypocrisy on his public outing, or taking the piss out of Bush & Blair, George practised what he preached, even more clearly now with the myriad stories of generosity that have emerged since his death.

Freedom! '90 - Listen Without Prejudice (1990)

But I think his honesty and vulnerability are what will best endure. Like all great artists, even when focusing about the particular, he spoke to a shared experience, allowing us a glimpse into an unvarnished soul, one we could not help but recognise as kindred with our own. That may not have been my wife's experience, or yours, but it was a true for millions of people around the world, many of whom are, like me, at a loss to explain how it is they feel so bereft. Even despite all his recent woes, I couldn't escape the feeling there was another great age of George Michael yet to come, another facet to his artistry that had yet to surface. My father, who first introduced me to George's music, took me to see him at Wembley Arena in 2006: though his star was clearly fading, and he was not as his best, there were glimpses of a sleeping giant, waiting to rise again, if only the stars could align.

I Can't Make You Love Me (cover of Bonnie Raitt) - Older (1997)

You can waste a lot of time waiting on potential - I should know, which is why I'm using this shock, this grief, this unfavourable comparison, to spur me on to greater things. And unless there's a wealth of unreleased material hiding in his home studio, we'll probably never see that last hurrah we were clinging onto, the ultimate evolution to crown his career. But the potential he did realise, what he left us with, is a cherished catalogue of craftsmanship, songs of his own and of people that he admired that chart an incredible. emotional, and loss-filled life. The suicides of his uncle and grandfather, the deaths of his mother and his partner Anselmo - these were deeply scarring episodes that he had to work through without peace or privacy. Instead, he poured that grief into his music, and the world is richer for it.

My Mother Had A Brother - Patience (2004)

I could talk about about how much his music shaped mine; how his penchant for taking his time has made it hard for me to write a song under 5 minutes; how Careless Whisper is the blueprint for most of what I wrote as a teenager. But the reality is I have to show, not tell. For everyone for whom George's music was the original spark of inspiration, we have to pick up the baton, to make ourselves vulnerable, to comfort the disturbed and disturb the comfortable. And disturbed as we are by his death, and what genius might have been lost, there's comfort to be found in his own words:

"And teacher there are things that I still have to learn
But the one thing I have is my pride
Oh so I don't want to learn to hold you, touch you
Think that you're mine
Because there ain't no joy for an uptown boy
Who just isn't willing to try
I'm so cold inside
Maybe just one more try"

Goodbye, George. I'll keep trying for you. I hope that's what you would have wanted.